CLICK here to view “How to Find a Wife,” the story of how we met and married.
CLICK here to view “A Halo for Barb - Barb’s Miracle,” the story of just one of her struggles with health problems.
CLICK here to view, “Barb’s Last Days,” The personal anguish of one slowly losing a dear loved one.
Postscript to a Beautiful Life
More than a year before we married, Barbara asked me to help her with some very important decisions she needed to make. At the time we had not yet seriously discussed marriage, but I feel certain we both knew it was in our future. Shortly, we sat down at my dining room table, she with several pens, a lined notepad and a few other papers, me with a curious open mind. "What’s this all about?" I asked my beautiful sweetheart.
"I want you to help me write a new will and plan my funeral." she replied in a strong, steady version of her sweet voice.
A planner and organizer, Barbara liked to have important things planned and those detailed plans in place. Being with Barb, I realized early on that when she set her mind to something there were only two viable options for me. I either helped or got out of the way. Though our two strong wills sometimes crossed swords, this would not be one of those times. I have no recollection of my answering words, but they certainly contained encouragement and an offering to help.
She had mentioned wanting to do this several times over the preceding months and now was crunch time. She planned a meeting for us with Gary Eastland, a local funeral director, in the near future and we would now bring things together in preparation for that meeting. This time we discussed a number of details in general terms. She asked about my feelings toward burial, internment and cremation. I don’t believe we planned many details as she just wanted to be prepared for our meeting with Gary. That would be the time to iron out the details. She did urge me to follow her example with a new will and funeral plans. One thing I remember we heartily agreed was that we wanted a celebration - a celebration of life and of good times remembered and shared.
Soon after we met with Gary and worked out a more detailed plan, Barb bought an insurance policy to cover her final expenses, payable to the funeral home. She didn’t want anyone to have to worry about what to do or how to pay for it. That was the quintessential Barb, concern for others, even after she would no longer be with us. I struggled with my own personal decisions about those final days and would wait many years before following her example.
Several times during the years that followed, she dug out those papers and updated them. She always prompted me to develop my own plans and I always put off that uncomfortable task. With her help, I did write a new will, but planning my funeral was always put off. Thirteen years older than Barb, I was certain I would go first and she would be there to help with my funeral. I did state and write down that like her, I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled in Lake Tippecanoe. Gradually she won me over and I too finally sat down with the funeral director, made plans and bought and assigned an insurance policy to relieve survivors of that solemn responsibility at a time of distress.
After she went into the ministry, she expanded her instructions with a detailed memorial service including decorations, scriptures to be read, music, and the names of colleagues she hoped would speak at the service. She couldn’t have known how touchingly beautiful that service, crafted by her tender loving heart was to be. Her aura would permeate the Leesburg United Methodist Church on that day to come.
Several times after she became ill she had us sit down and go through her instructions. In a joking, loving manner, she always told me she would be watching and that I had better follow her instructions. As her illnesses brought on more pain and weakness she often reminded me where her important papers were, "just in case." She always insisted on "the folder" being with her at the hospital and nursing home. In late summer of 2004 we once more sat down with a representative of the funeral home to bring her records up to date with her latest instructions. We discussed each detail thoroughly, she constantly asking if I approved and I, carefully considering and then agreeing. We had no disagreements about any of the instructions. She even persuaded me to work on my own service. I finally started to do so, planning the music and a few scriptures. My overall instructions for the funeral home finally were put in place.
She instructed me verbally in the placement and disposition of a number of small items, mostly jewelry and photos. She made me pledge to see to it that her service was truly a celebration. I agree most heartily with that premise and ask for the same at my funeral. I told her many times that I have had a full and rewarding life with few regrets. If I should go tomorrow I want all to know It’s been a blast! We both have vast treasures in our children, our grandchildren and our many dear friends.
The following was written by Barb in September, 2003 as she once more edited her instructions: "I would like it [the celebration service] to be a real celebration - I have had a great ride - with some side trips that only served to strengthen me."
Here is the bulletin, prepared by our dear friend, Norma Hayes, who is also the church organist:
Prelude - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Norma Hayes
Gathering - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
The Word of Grace - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Prayer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
*Hymn - - - - - - - "How Great Thou Art" - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - - Psalm 139: 1-10, 13-16 - - - - - - - Rev. Ted Blosser
*Hymn - - - - - - - - - - "Be Still My Soul" - - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - *Psalm 103: 1-5; 46: 10-11 - - Rev. Paul Newman-Jacobs
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Rev. Chris Newman-Jacobs
*"The Lord gave me this verse when I first started going downhill in 1993."
*Hymn - - - - - - - "Blessed Assurance" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - -1 Peter 5: 7-10 - - - - - - - - - - - - Rev. Milton Gould
*Hymn - - - - - - - - - "Because He Lives" - - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - - - - 1 John 5: 11 - - - - - - - - - - - - Rev. Don Shanks
*Hymn - - - - - - -"It Is Well With My Soul" - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - 2nd Timothy 4: 6-8 - - - - - - - - Rev. Michael Heath
Scripture - - - - - - 1 Thessalonians 4: 16-18 - - - - - - Pastor Barb Lloyd
Special Music - - - - - - "I’m Working on a Building" - - - - - The Willows
Scripture - - - - Psalm 139: 1-01, 13-16 - - - - - - - - - - D. S. Bob Dexter
Witness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Dance of Celebration - - - - "I Hope You Dance" - - - - - Roberta Grimm
Special Music - - - - "Look for Me Around the Throne" - - - The Willows
Benediction- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Postlude- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Norma Hayes
Some information about the participants:
Norma Hayes: Long time friend, church organist, accompanist and guide for The Willows, church secretary, Norma is a friend you can always count on. She prepared the bulletin and helped in many ways with the service.
Pastor Michael Heath: Current minister of Leesburg United Methodist Church, Mike visited Barb many times in both Goshen Hospital and Lakeland Rehabilitation and Health center. He and Barb met for the first time when he visited her in Goshen Hospital. He was with us when we shared the terrible news with Barb.
Rev. Ted Blosser: Colleague, and then District Superintendent when Barb was an active pastor, Ted was also a dear friend. They attended many meetings and conferences during her period of service.
Rev. Paul Newman-Jacobs: Pastor of LUMC during the period Barb was secretary, when she attended the Lay Speaker Academy, and when she answered the call to the ministry. His support and encouragement were instrumental in helping her during this period.
Rev. Chris Newman-Jacobs: Paul’s wife and the pastor who preceded Barb at Morris Chapel United Methodist Church. Her guidance often helped Barb at her new charge.
Rev. Milton Gould: Colleague and dear friend, Milt and his wife accompanied Barb on her trip to the Holy Land in 1999. Barb shared many stories of their exploits on that wonderful journey.
Rev Don Shanks: Pastor at Leesburg UMC when I proposed to Barbara in the choir loft, who officiated at our wedding. I’m sure both were memorable occasions where Don was caught surprised and delighted. His pleasant face and words grace the videos we have of both occasions.
Pastor Barbara Lloyd: Pastor at Leesburg UMC when we returned after Barb’s health problems forced her to step down from her ministry, it became, Pastor Barb ministering to Pastor Barb. Her words of support and comfort were a great help to both Barb and I.
The Willows: Our quartet, was formed when Barb and I joined Al and Norma Hayes and Carol West (then Shively) to sing at early, informal services at LUMC. Active to this day, The Willows sing gospel and other religious music wherever and whenever we have the opportunity. Barb’s sweet, clear voice can be clearly heard in both of these recordings. While "I’m Working on a Building" was one of her most enthusiastically performed numbers, it was "Look for Me Around the Throne" that she told us many times was to be performed at her final celebration. It was with great regret that she relinquished her role with The Willows due to demands of her new assignment as Pastor. Helen Smoker soon stepped in with her strong voice so The Willows continued to this day.
Robert Dexter: District Superintendent of the neighboring Michiana District of the Northern Indiana Conference of the United Methodist Church, Bob visited Barb several times during her last stay at Goshen Hospital while our local DS was traveling and was not available. He was a great comfort to me during her very last days.
Roberta Grimm: My sister, Bobbie, immediately close to Barb became "the sister I never had" as Barb told me many times. She and her husband, Robert, a retired minister and executive of The Council of Churches, have been very dear and bulwarks of support to both Barb and I in many times of dire need. Among her many talents, she is a liturgical dancer and has published a book on liturgical dance. When she asked me if she could perform this dance for the service I knew it would be something Barbara would support enthusiastically. It was a very beautiful and emotional experience for me as for the entire audience.
About the Service:
The service was indeed a beautiful celebration of Barb’s life. I’m certain there was a brand new angel watching and enjoying the service with an approving gaze. I could almost feel her, seated beside me, watching, smiling, crying, and loving with all of us. I thank everyone who was there, those who weren’t there except in their hearts and everyone who supported her in so many ways during her continuing battle for health and life. The numerous cards, calls, letters, emails, visits and prayers were each treasured. They brought joy and encouragement to Barb at times when things didn’t look very good, when she was weak, in pain and so often near death.
A few loving comments about my dear Barbara:
Always concerned for others, she had an almost magical knack of reaching and relieving pain in others. It was a talent few possess that will now be sorely missed by those whose lives she can no longer touch directly. There are several anecdotes that spoke volumes of just who Barbara was and how she touched others. Later, I may add others, but these are the ones that first come to mind.
During one of her very first hospital stays I remember Barb was talking to a nurse as I came into the room. Barb’s operation had been over but a single day and I heard these words spoken clearly if a bit weakly, "Dear God, help this kind woman in her time of need. Comfort her pain and relieve her suffering. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen."
It didn’t really surprise me for this was Barbara, through and through. I noticed the nurse wiping a tear from her eyes as she stood and thanked Barb before leaving the room. "What was that all about?" I asked.
"That poor girl is having difficulty in her marriage and I wanted to ask God’s help for her." Barb replied, as if it was an ordinary occurrence. "It’s the least I could do."
"You’re lying there in pain and just starting to recover from serious surgery and you’re comforting your nurse? How’d you come to be discussing her personal problems anyway?" I was curious, not at all upset.
Barb smiled sweetly, "During our conversation I just sensed she was in torment and asked her what was wrong. She soon blurted out that her husband had just walked out on her. I had to try and help."
That is what Barb was so often about, helping others. She seemed to sense when people were in distress and always tried to relieve it. During a long planned trip to visit my daughter, Deb, in Visalia, California Barb started losing the function in her right hand. In just a few days the numbness progressed to include her arm and then her legs. She could not stand up. A consultation with Deb’s neighbor, an ER doctor, soon led us to the Sansum Clinic in Santa Barbara. Two-hundred and twenty miles from Visalia, Sansum has a national reputation for excellence. My story, "A Halo for Barb- Barb’s Miracle" tells that story in detail.
During the eight weeks she spent in the hospital in Santa Barbara California, I traveled that route over the mountains, "the Grapevine" on I-5, then down the Ventura freeway to the coast and up the coast highway to Santa Barbara so many times I could probably have driven it blindfolded. During our visits I began noticing numerous member of the hospital staff stopping by to visit with Barb. Many of them had nothing to do with her care or support, in fact, their only reason for visiting was to talk to "the little lady with the big heart" as one young nurses aide explained to me. At least a dozen of these people visited her regularly and she loved it. Her ministry of Christian mission and service continued even from her hospital bed.
This held true in every institution wherein she spent time. People in both rehabilitation institutions in California felt her Christian touch. I saw the same love and affection expressed in nearly all the numerous ER and hospital stays across the country during our travels.
When Dolores, my ex-wife and mother of my five children passed away early in 2004, my children asked Barbara to help them with the service and officiate as the pastor. My gang and even my ex had become close to Barbara over the years. She and Dolores had become friends, even shopping together for Christmas presents for the family on several occasions. She treated my children and grand children as her own, becoming Grandma Barb to the next generation. My entire family adored her and will all miss her terribly.
Such was the essence, the spirit and the love of the woman I was privileged to call my wife for the twelve short years we shared. She taught me much of the value of seeking the very best in everyone and helped me to like and respect myself. I never had any idea how I would react under times of real personal crisis where constant loving care was essential. During those last years I was with her 24/7 and caring for her every need. There was never a time when I had the least resentment for having to care for her. It actually was a great joy, doing all those things for her. Of course I wished she was well and didn’t need all that care, but I never minded doing for her the things she couldn’t do for herself.
On numerous occasions she would say, "How can you look at me and kiss me with my swollen face and bruise blotched arms?" I look so terrible."
My truthful reply was always, "When I look at you I see that beautiful woman who sang, ‘Til There Was You’ to me during our wedding vows." or maybe, "I see that happy dancer in the red dress jitterbugging at the Bishop’s retreat." No matter what, I always saw the real beauty in that kind, loving face. Her warm smile and sweet face even showed in the last photo Deb took of the two of us in her room at Lakeland just a few weeks before her passing. No, Barbara, you have always been beautiful in my eyes as you will always be.
Barb had an unusually strong faith and rarely complained. Throughout the years of pain and suffering her Christian faith never wavered in the slightest. Even when she learned she only had a few days to live she thanked God for what she had been given. With Pastor Mike Heath and I at her bedside she said, "I’m ready to go home." That was just a few days before her passing. Her strong faith was matched by her indomitable spirit that remained uplifting to the end.
Pastor Mike told me that on one of his visits during her last days he found himself being ministered to by Barb as she lie in her bed. "I can hardly believe how she touched my heart, turned the tables and comforted me when I was there to comfort her." That indeed was who Barb was and how so many will remember and honor her memory.
Some months or maybe even years back she told me, "If and when I go first, I will ask to be your guardian angel. Just remember that," she said with a grin. Then, wagging her finger at me, she announced, "You had better behave!"
There was another incident several years ago that is rather a strong testimonial to her faith. Somehow, while we were watching a show on TV, we were having a conversation about death and what it meant. Barb knew I was not as comfortable about that inevitability as she and was trying to help me feel less apprehensive. As we were talking there was a death in the show followed by the following words: “This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end. This is the end of the beginning.” Barb looked at me, repeated those words softly and then said,. “That’s what I believe it is.” I’ve thought about that many times during the last few days. I promise to try, Barb, but it will be difficult. Such was the lady I had the great fortune to call my wife for the last twelve years.
I have one last incident to include in this little essay. A few weeks back Barb had a few days of feeling unusually low. Several times over the years she had expressed some concern about my feelings for her because of her health problems and how her appearance had changed. In a round about way she was asking how I could possibly still love her and I knew it. I never had a good answer until that day when an inspiration opened my heart. I kneeled down at her bedside, put my arms around her, looked directly into her big, beautiful blue eyes and said the following, "My dearest Barbara. I can honestly say that I have loved you with no reservation since that August day in 1990 when we first met and spent three hours getting to know each other. My love has grown constantly over the years and never once has there been even a hint of doubt of that in my heart. I love you even more today than I did yesterday. I will love you more tomorrow than today and it will continue so until the day I die."
After some tears of joy we allowed that our feelings were mutual. I then explained how I had always felt about love. "I know only one way to love and that is totally and without reservation. I know of no person I have ever really loved that I ever stopped loving. I think doing so quite impossible for me. Those both living and dead I still love include not only my family, but the several women who were at one time, central in my life. I may have parted company with them, may never even see them again, but I will always love them." I had spoken to Barbara about this on numerous occasions over the years, but I think in that moment she truly and finally understood.
"That’s really beautiful." she replied through her tears.
We continued talking for several hours, sharing our deepest feelings with warmth, love and candor. It was truly a magical moment, like many close and often unexpected moments we shared in our love over the years. I don’t believe I ever felt closer to her than during those intimate hours. I know she experienced the same wonderful feelings. I was frequently comforted when I recalled those moments during the last few weeks, thankful we had that loving experience and revelation before she passed.
After the gathering: It is now Sunday evening, a week after Barb passed. The last of my supportive family left a few hours ago and the house is now very quiet. It is the very first time I have been alone for at least ten days. During that time, all of my children including my three sons-in-law, both of Barb’s sons, my sister and brother-in-law, six of my grandchildren were in and out of the house. It was a very busy place with lots of love and support at a time when it was desperately needed. They have gone away yet I know their comforting hearts are still here with me. Our good and precious friends are still close by for comfort should I need it. They all made their concerns clear asking that I contact them should any need arise. I know they will contact me frequently to ask if there is anything they can do.
The writer in me cried for expression so here I am, putting words about love and comfort to paper to share with others. I wonder about what the coming days hold in store. I plan not to make any changes in my life until things settle and the mind numbing fog that now envelops me clears. I do have some immediate plans. My grandson, Howard Russell Johnson, HoJo IV, "Russ" to most, is getting married in just two weeks and I will go to Washington, D.C. to attend. I also plan to spend Thanksgiving with my three Michigan daughters and their families. After that I may make the trip west that Barb and I planned to make when she was well enough to travel. My California daughter, Deb, has invited me to visit her. I plan to spend as much time writing as I can as I have several unfinished books and, of course, the completion of Barb’s book is high on my list. I can’t conceive of living long enough to put down all the words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters that lie waiting in my writer’s mind. My writing will desperately and sorely miss my wonderful editor, proof reader, critic and encourager. I shall try to write as if she were looking over my shoulder, but sadly, her magic touch will be missing from my work.
I say a sad and humble farewell until we meet again to my dear Barbara whose faith never wavered, hope never dimmed, and good spirit never failed
To contact author, Howard Johnson Click Here!
CLICK here to view “A Halo for Barb - Barb’s Miracle,” the story of just one of her struggles with health problems.
CLICK here to view, “Barb’s Last Days,” The personal anguish of one slowly losing a dear loved one.
Postscript to a Beautiful Life
More than a year before we married, Barbara asked me to help her with some very important decisions she needed to make. At the time we had not yet seriously discussed marriage, but I feel certain we both knew it was in our future. Shortly, we sat down at my dining room table, she with several pens, a lined notepad and a few other papers, me with a curious open mind. "What’s this all about?" I asked my beautiful sweetheart.
"I want you to help me write a new will and plan my funeral." she replied in a strong, steady version of her sweet voice.
A planner and organizer, Barbara liked to have important things planned and those detailed plans in place. Being with Barb, I realized early on that when she set her mind to something there were only two viable options for me. I either helped or got out of the way. Though our two strong wills sometimes crossed swords, this would not be one of those times. I have no recollection of my answering words, but they certainly contained encouragement and an offering to help.
She had mentioned wanting to do this several times over the preceding months and now was crunch time. She planned a meeting for us with Gary Eastland, a local funeral director, in the near future and we would now bring things together in preparation for that meeting. This time we discussed a number of details in general terms. She asked about my feelings toward burial, internment and cremation. I don’t believe we planned many details as she just wanted to be prepared for our meeting with Gary. That would be the time to iron out the details. She did urge me to follow her example with a new will and funeral plans. One thing I remember we heartily agreed was that we wanted a celebration - a celebration of life and of good times remembered and shared.
Soon after we met with Gary and worked out a more detailed plan, Barb bought an insurance policy to cover her final expenses, payable to the funeral home. She didn’t want anyone to have to worry about what to do or how to pay for it. That was the quintessential Barb, concern for others, even after she would no longer be with us. I struggled with my own personal decisions about those final days and would wait many years before following her example.
Several times during the years that followed, she dug out those papers and updated them. She always prompted me to develop my own plans and I always put off that uncomfortable task. With her help, I did write a new will, but planning my funeral was always put off. Thirteen years older than Barb, I was certain I would go first and she would be there to help with my funeral. I did state and write down that like her, I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled in Lake Tippecanoe. Gradually she won me over and I too finally sat down with the funeral director, made plans and bought and assigned an insurance policy to relieve survivors of that solemn responsibility at a time of distress.
After she went into the ministry, she expanded her instructions with a detailed memorial service including decorations, scriptures to be read, music, and the names of colleagues she hoped would speak at the service. She couldn’t have known how touchingly beautiful that service, crafted by her tender loving heart was to be. Her aura would permeate the Leesburg United Methodist Church on that day to come.
Several times after she became ill she had us sit down and go through her instructions. In a joking, loving manner, she always told me she would be watching and that I had better follow her instructions. As her illnesses brought on more pain and weakness she often reminded me where her important papers were, "just in case." She always insisted on "the folder" being with her at the hospital and nursing home. In late summer of 2004 we once more sat down with a representative of the funeral home to bring her records up to date with her latest instructions. We discussed each detail thoroughly, she constantly asking if I approved and I, carefully considering and then agreeing. We had no disagreements about any of the instructions. She even persuaded me to work on my own service. I finally started to do so, planning the music and a few scriptures. My overall instructions for the funeral home finally were put in place.
She instructed me verbally in the placement and disposition of a number of small items, mostly jewelry and photos. She made me pledge to see to it that her service was truly a celebration. I agree most heartily with that premise and ask for the same at my funeral. I told her many times that I have had a full and rewarding life with few regrets. If I should go tomorrow I want all to know It’s been a blast! We both have vast treasures in our children, our grandchildren and our many dear friends.
The following was written by Barb in September, 2003 as she once more edited her instructions: "I would like it [the celebration service] to be a real celebration - I have had a great ride - with some side trips that only served to strengthen me."
Here is the bulletin, prepared by our dear friend, Norma Hayes, who is also the church organist:
A service of Celebration for the life of
Barbara True Galbraith Johnson
October 21, 2005.
Barbara True Galbraith Johnson
October 21, 2005.
Prelude - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Norma Hayes
Gathering - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
The Word of Grace - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Prayer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
*Hymn - - - - - - - "How Great Thou Art" - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - - Psalm 139: 1-10, 13-16 - - - - - - - Rev. Ted Blosser
*Hymn - - - - - - - - - - "Be Still My Soul" - - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - *Psalm 103: 1-5; 46: 10-11 - - Rev. Paul Newman-Jacobs
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Rev. Chris Newman-Jacobs
*"The Lord gave me this verse when I first started going downhill in 1993."
*Hymn - - - - - - - "Blessed Assurance" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - -1 Peter 5: 7-10 - - - - - - - - - - - - Rev. Milton Gould
*Hymn - - - - - - - - - "Because He Lives" - - - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - - - - 1 John 5: 11 - - - - - - - - - - - - Rev. Don Shanks
*Hymn - - - - - - -"It Is Well With My Soul" - - - - - - - - - - - Overhead
Scripture - - - - - - 2nd Timothy 4: 6-8 - - - - - - - - Rev. Michael Heath
Scripture - - - - - - 1 Thessalonians 4: 16-18 - - - - - - Pastor Barb Lloyd
Special Music - - - - - - "I’m Working on a Building" - - - - - The Willows
Scripture - - - - Psalm 139: 1-01, 13-16 - - - - - - - - - - D. S. Bob Dexter
Witness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Dance of Celebration - - - - "I Hope You Dance" - - - - - Roberta Grimm
Special Music - - - - "Look for Me Around the Throne" - - - The Willows
Benediction- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pastor Michael Heath
Postlude- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Norma Hayes
Rev. Barbara True Galbraith Johnson
Born: Sunday, February 26, 1941 in Dayton, Ohio
Married Howard Johnson on: May 29, 1993
Passed from this life: Sunday, October 16, 2005
Born: Sunday, February 26, 1941 in Dayton, Ohio
Married Howard Johnson on: May 29, 1993
Passed from this life: Sunday, October 16, 2005
Some information about the participants:
Norma Hayes: Long time friend, church organist, accompanist and guide for The Willows, church secretary, Norma is a friend you can always count on. She prepared the bulletin and helped in many ways with the service.
Pastor Michael Heath: Current minister of Leesburg United Methodist Church, Mike visited Barb many times in both Goshen Hospital and Lakeland Rehabilitation and Health center. He and Barb met for the first time when he visited her in Goshen Hospital. He was with us when we shared the terrible news with Barb.
Rev. Ted Blosser: Colleague, and then District Superintendent when Barb was an active pastor, Ted was also a dear friend. They attended many meetings and conferences during her period of service.
Rev. Paul Newman-Jacobs: Pastor of LUMC during the period Barb was secretary, when she attended the Lay Speaker Academy, and when she answered the call to the ministry. His support and encouragement were instrumental in helping her during this period.
Rev. Chris Newman-Jacobs: Paul’s wife and the pastor who preceded Barb at Morris Chapel United Methodist Church. Her guidance often helped Barb at her new charge.
Rev. Milton Gould: Colleague and dear friend, Milt and his wife accompanied Barb on her trip to the Holy Land in 1999. Barb shared many stories of their exploits on that wonderful journey.
Rev Don Shanks: Pastor at Leesburg UMC when I proposed to Barbara in the choir loft, who officiated at our wedding. I’m sure both were memorable occasions where Don was caught surprised and delighted. His pleasant face and words grace the videos we have of both occasions.
Pastor Barbara Lloyd: Pastor at Leesburg UMC when we returned after Barb’s health problems forced her to step down from her ministry, it became, Pastor Barb ministering to Pastor Barb. Her words of support and comfort were a great help to both Barb and I.
The Willows: Our quartet, was formed when Barb and I joined Al and Norma Hayes and Carol West (then Shively) to sing at early, informal services at LUMC. Active to this day, The Willows sing gospel and other religious music wherever and whenever we have the opportunity. Barb’s sweet, clear voice can be clearly heard in both of these recordings. While "I’m Working on a Building" was one of her most enthusiastically performed numbers, it was "Look for Me Around the Throne" that she told us many times was to be performed at her final celebration. It was with great regret that she relinquished her role with The Willows due to demands of her new assignment as Pastor. Helen Smoker soon stepped in with her strong voice so The Willows continued to this day.
Robert Dexter: District Superintendent of the neighboring Michiana District of the Northern Indiana Conference of the United Methodist Church, Bob visited Barb several times during her last stay at Goshen Hospital while our local DS was traveling and was not available. He was a great comfort to me during her very last days.
Roberta Grimm: My sister, Bobbie, immediately close to Barb became "the sister I never had" as Barb told me many times. She and her husband, Robert, a retired minister and executive of The Council of Churches, have been very dear and bulwarks of support to both Barb and I in many times of dire need. Among her many talents, she is a liturgical dancer and has published a book on liturgical dance. When she asked me if she could perform this dance for the service I knew it would be something Barbara would support enthusiastically. It was a very beautiful and emotional experience for me as for the entire audience.
About the Service:
The service was indeed a beautiful celebration of Barb’s life. I’m certain there was a brand new angel watching and enjoying the service with an approving gaze. I could almost feel her, seated beside me, watching, smiling, crying, and loving with all of us. I thank everyone who was there, those who weren’t there except in their hearts and everyone who supported her in so many ways during her continuing battle for health and life. The numerous cards, calls, letters, emails, visits and prayers were each treasured. They brought joy and encouragement to Barb at times when things didn’t look very good, when she was weak, in pain and so often near death.
A few loving comments about my dear Barbara:
Always concerned for others, she had an almost magical knack of reaching and relieving pain in others. It was a talent few possess that will now be sorely missed by those whose lives she can no longer touch directly. There are several anecdotes that spoke volumes of just who Barbara was and how she touched others. Later, I may add others, but these are the ones that first come to mind.
During one of her very first hospital stays I remember Barb was talking to a nurse as I came into the room. Barb’s operation had been over but a single day and I heard these words spoken clearly if a bit weakly, "Dear God, help this kind woman in her time of need. Comfort her pain and relieve her suffering. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen."
It didn’t really surprise me for this was Barbara, through and through. I noticed the nurse wiping a tear from her eyes as she stood and thanked Barb before leaving the room. "What was that all about?" I asked.
"That poor girl is having difficulty in her marriage and I wanted to ask God’s help for her." Barb replied, as if it was an ordinary occurrence. "It’s the least I could do."
"You’re lying there in pain and just starting to recover from serious surgery and you’re comforting your nurse? How’d you come to be discussing her personal problems anyway?" I was curious, not at all upset.
Barb smiled sweetly, "During our conversation I just sensed she was in torment and asked her what was wrong. She soon blurted out that her husband had just walked out on her. I had to try and help."
That is what Barb was so often about, helping others. She seemed to sense when people were in distress and always tried to relieve it. During a long planned trip to visit my daughter, Deb, in Visalia, California Barb started losing the function in her right hand. In just a few days the numbness progressed to include her arm and then her legs. She could not stand up. A consultation with Deb’s neighbor, an ER doctor, soon led us to the Sansum Clinic in Santa Barbara. Two-hundred and twenty miles from Visalia, Sansum has a national reputation for excellence. My story, "A Halo for Barb- Barb’s Miracle" tells that story in detail.
During the eight weeks she spent in the hospital in Santa Barbara California, I traveled that route over the mountains, "the Grapevine" on I-5, then down the Ventura freeway to the coast and up the coast highway to Santa Barbara so many times I could probably have driven it blindfolded. During our visits I began noticing numerous member of the hospital staff stopping by to visit with Barb. Many of them had nothing to do with her care or support, in fact, their only reason for visiting was to talk to "the little lady with the big heart" as one young nurses aide explained to me. At least a dozen of these people visited her regularly and she loved it. Her ministry of Christian mission and service continued even from her hospital bed.
This held true in every institution wherein she spent time. People in both rehabilitation institutions in California felt her Christian touch. I saw the same love and affection expressed in nearly all the numerous ER and hospital stays across the country during our travels.
When Dolores, my ex-wife and mother of my five children passed away early in 2004, my children asked Barbara to help them with the service and officiate as the pastor. My gang and even my ex had become close to Barbara over the years. She and Dolores had become friends, even shopping together for Christmas presents for the family on several occasions. She treated my children and grand children as her own, becoming Grandma Barb to the next generation. My entire family adored her and will all miss her terribly.
Such was the essence, the spirit and the love of the woman I was privileged to call my wife for the twelve short years we shared. She taught me much of the value of seeking the very best in everyone and helped me to like and respect myself. I never had any idea how I would react under times of real personal crisis where constant loving care was essential. During those last years I was with her 24/7 and caring for her every need. There was never a time when I had the least resentment for having to care for her. It actually was a great joy, doing all those things for her. Of course I wished she was well and didn’t need all that care, but I never minded doing for her the things she couldn’t do for herself.
On numerous occasions she would say, "How can you look at me and kiss me with my swollen face and bruise blotched arms?" I look so terrible."
My truthful reply was always, "When I look at you I see that beautiful woman who sang, ‘Til There Was You’ to me during our wedding vows." or maybe, "I see that happy dancer in the red dress jitterbugging at the Bishop’s retreat." No matter what, I always saw the real beauty in that kind, loving face. Her warm smile and sweet face even showed in the last photo Deb took of the two of us in her room at Lakeland just a few weeks before her passing. No, Barbara, you have always been beautiful in my eyes as you will always be.
Barb had an unusually strong faith and rarely complained. Throughout the years of pain and suffering her Christian faith never wavered in the slightest. Even when she learned she only had a few days to live she thanked God for what she had been given. With Pastor Mike Heath and I at her bedside she said, "I’m ready to go home." That was just a few days before her passing. Her strong faith was matched by her indomitable spirit that remained uplifting to the end.
Pastor Mike told me that on one of his visits during her last days he found himself being ministered to by Barb as she lie in her bed. "I can hardly believe how she touched my heart, turned the tables and comforted me when I was there to comfort her." That indeed was who Barb was and how so many will remember and honor her memory.
Some months or maybe even years back she told me, "If and when I go first, I will ask to be your guardian angel. Just remember that," she said with a grin. Then, wagging her finger at me, she announced, "You had better behave!"
There was another incident several years ago that is rather a strong testimonial to her faith. Somehow, while we were watching a show on TV, we were having a conversation about death and what it meant. Barb knew I was not as comfortable about that inevitability as she and was trying to help me feel less apprehensive. As we were talking there was a death in the show followed by the following words: “This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end. This is the end of the beginning.” Barb looked at me, repeated those words softly and then said,. “That’s what I believe it is.” I’ve thought about that many times during the last few days. I promise to try, Barb, but it will be difficult. Such was the lady I had the great fortune to call my wife for the last twelve years.
I have one last incident to include in this little essay. A few weeks back Barb had a few days of feeling unusually low. Several times over the years she had expressed some concern about my feelings for her because of her health problems and how her appearance had changed. In a round about way she was asking how I could possibly still love her and I knew it. I never had a good answer until that day when an inspiration opened my heart. I kneeled down at her bedside, put my arms around her, looked directly into her big, beautiful blue eyes and said the following, "My dearest Barbara. I can honestly say that I have loved you with no reservation since that August day in 1990 when we first met and spent three hours getting to know each other. My love has grown constantly over the years and never once has there been even a hint of doubt of that in my heart. I love you even more today than I did yesterday. I will love you more tomorrow than today and it will continue so until the day I die."
After some tears of joy we allowed that our feelings were mutual. I then explained how I had always felt about love. "I know only one way to love and that is totally and without reservation. I know of no person I have ever really loved that I ever stopped loving. I think doing so quite impossible for me. Those both living and dead I still love include not only my family, but the several women who were at one time, central in my life. I may have parted company with them, may never even see them again, but I will always love them." I had spoken to Barbara about this on numerous occasions over the years, but I think in that moment she truly and finally understood.
"That’s really beautiful." she replied through her tears.
We continued talking for several hours, sharing our deepest feelings with warmth, love and candor. It was truly a magical moment, like many close and often unexpected moments we shared in our love over the years. I don’t believe I ever felt closer to her than during those intimate hours. I know she experienced the same wonderful feelings. I was frequently comforted when I recalled those moments during the last few weeks, thankful we had that loving experience and revelation before she passed.
After the gathering: It is now Sunday evening, a week after Barb passed. The last of my supportive family left a few hours ago and the house is now very quiet. It is the very first time I have been alone for at least ten days. During that time, all of my children including my three sons-in-law, both of Barb’s sons, my sister and brother-in-law, six of my grandchildren were in and out of the house. It was a very busy place with lots of love and support at a time when it was desperately needed. They have gone away yet I know their comforting hearts are still here with me. Our good and precious friends are still close by for comfort should I need it. They all made their concerns clear asking that I contact them should any need arise. I know they will contact me frequently to ask if there is anything they can do.
The writer in me cried for expression so here I am, putting words about love and comfort to paper to share with others. I wonder about what the coming days hold in store. I plan not to make any changes in my life until things settle and the mind numbing fog that now envelops me clears. I do have some immediate plans. My grandson, Howard Russell Johnson, HoJo IV, "Russ" to most, is getting married in just two weeks and I will go to Washington, D.C. to attend. I also plan to spend Thanksgiving with my three Michigan daughters and their families. After that I may make the trip west that Barb and I planned to make when she was well enough to travel. My California daughter, Deb, has invited me to visit her. I plan to spend as much time writing as I can as I have several unfinished books and, of course, the completion of Barb’s book is high on my list. I can’t conceive of living long enough to put down all the words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters that lie waiting in my writer’s mind. My writing will desperately and sorely miss my wonderful editor, proof reader, critic and encourager. I shall try to write as if she were looking over my shoulder, but sadly, her magic touch will be missing from my work.
I say a sad and humble farewell until we meet again to my dear Barbara whose faith never wavered, hope never dimmed, and good spirit never failed
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posted by HoJo @ 9:30 PM
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